I’ve Been In a Sexless Relationship For A Year — Here’s What I’ve Learned

Michelle Love
5 min readDec 20, 2022

Well, come to think of it — it has actually been more like a year and a half — But who’s counting??!!

Some of you will be shocked by that, and some of you will be able to relate. For us, there was so much stress during the pandemic that our sex life was already dwindling, but it dropped off completely when I found out I was pregnant and had an abortion.

For me, I felt foolish. I knew never wanted children of my own, I took precautions my entire life, and there I was at 32, pregnant for the first time from one slip-up. I felt so ashamed.

For my partner? I can’t really speak for him — but he didn’t want to go through it again and was too afraid to get a vasectomy, so he simply stopped having sex with me.

I tried to come onto him many times to no avail. Time after time, I was rejected. I tried talking to him about it, and he told me he wanted to have sex, but it never happened. He never tried to initiate anything intimate with me, and here we are a year and a half later…

As 2022 is coming to an end, I realized it will be a full calendar year with no sex — and I’m not talking about just intercourse — there was also no oral, no touching, no nothing. A few kisses here and there, but no hot and heavy makeout sessions like we used to. So I figured I would take the time to reflect, and after doing so — it seemed worth sharing with all of you.

Here is what I learned from my unintentional celibate time:

  1. Our connection became weaker. We have more fights, we are more on edge, we tend to walk away from each other more to be alone, we watch movies on separate couches, and sleep in separate rooms — it’s like we’re roommates. There is no “post-sex daze” — where you had sex and for hours after, you see the world through rose-colored glasses — no arguing, just giddiness. I miss that connection.
  2. I’ve lost self-confidence. I don’t think I’m attractive or sexually appealing anymore. I used to be pretty confident, but I find myself unable to look at my naked body and I look in the mirror disgusted at what I see. I feel unworthy of compliments and can’t stand how I look in photos anymore. I really, truly…

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Michelle Love

My public journal about all the things I’ve been through & I’m interested in—with the hope that it benefits you. 🤍 Love is the answer