Oh my gosh, dont apologize for this lengthy response! These words just helped me more than you know. There so something so comforting knowing that I’m not alone with these feelings and I truly, truly appreciate you sharing. I’m sorry you’ve gone through this as well, it really isn’t easy - and none of the people in my life can relate so I took it to medium to vent, and look at what the universe gave me! Thank you so much 🥰 I’ll be holding your story near as I go through these days.