The importance of day dreaming…especially right now.

In recent weeks (ok maybe months), someone very important in my life keeps getting irritated with me because I keep holding him accountable for his dreams. He will make these lofty comments about achieving millions of dollars with his company and giving me a huge portion of it, by a certain date…well…

That date will come….and go…and I’m still no millionaire!

This has happened so many times that now, when he speaks out in excitement about his dreams, I respond with comments like “Yeah, I’ll believe it when I see it” or “I’ve heard that before!”

It immediately shifts him into a negative mood and ruins the day.

We get snippy towards each other, we argue, we defend…it’s no fun.

For him- it has concluded with him being ultra super cautious about what he says when he’s around me because he doesn’t want to be held accountable. For me— It has concluded with, well…lack of trust because of all the lack of follow-through on these lofty claims.

But the thing is, he’s RIGHT and I’m wrong. (Yep, My stubborn Leo self is admitting it).

This pandemic has removed any sense of security and solidity that we all have. Even if we are lucky enough to still have a job, that could change in a split second. All trust we’ve had in our health, the government, our homes, our relationships, the environment….gone.

So, what has this done to me? (and I assume I’m not alone in this)…

I’m on edge, all the time and I’m attaching myself to any sense of security that I possibly can. You tell me you will be there at 11:00am and you’re there at 11:07am…

During normal conditions? I’m all good.

During current conditions? The instability of this is beyond overwhelming.

You’ve betrayed me. I can’t deal. There is a phenomenally high chance that I will burst into tears…seriously. Side note: the number of times I have cried in the passed year over things like, not having any of my fave muffins left at Whole Foods? Record breaking.

I. NEED. YOU. TO. KEEP. YOUR. WORD!!!

Or so I thought, until just the other day…

Until I asked him for what felt like the 10,000th time, with my voice raised in angst; “What do you need from me?”

And he responded as he always has with: “nothing, I don’t need anything”

But this time, I wasn’t going to take that answer. So, I kept pressing him until finally he responded with HIS voice raised: “I need you to trust me!”

Woah. Immediately I felt a full body release. I was looking at this all so tightly wound, when dreaming is all about freedom to creatively explore the possibilities and making the impossibilities real, in your mind. Not to mention, these were his dreams, and I was trying to control them.

In that moment, I felt such release and then…I felt something I hadn’t felt in what felt like ages (likely since March 2020). I felt excitement again.

The dreaming began again.

We started talking about setting a goal date and taking a road trip! I wanted to make a Pinterest board immediately and I hate Pinterest.

Everything shifted.

Viscerally, everything in my body felt in alignment again and it was as if I was in a black hole of doubt for the last 10 months, digging myself further and further from the daydreamer that I’ve been my entire life.

I’m genuinely smiling again. I’m excited again. I feel like there is a purpose now to aim for something amazing in the future. Even if it doesn’t happen, it sure does make the now a lot more bearable, and even pleasant.

So, dream away baby!

Supertramp had it right:

“Dreamer, you know you are a dreamer….

I said, “Far out, what a day, a year, a life it is”